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Fifty-one years ago we exchanged vows before the Lord who had brought us together. At Life Church, Prinsep Street in 1954, the Lord joined us together in life-long union. When I said, “I Tow Siang Hwa ( \g ey ŒT ) t a k e t h e e T a n C h e n g I m ( s– n ó— ) t o m y w e d d e d w i f e , t o h a v e a n d t o h o l d , f r o m t h i s d a y f o r w a r d , f o r b e t t e r f o r w o r s e , f o r r i c h e r f o r p o o r e r , i n s i c k n e s s a n d i n h e a l t h , t i l l d e a t h u s d o p a r t , i n t h e n a m e o f t h e F a t h e r , a n d o f t h e S o n , a n d o f t h e Holy Ghost. Amen. ” it was the beginning of a life partnership, a blessed bondage, which bound us together one to the other, and both to the Lord.
This bond can never be broken, except by death.
God’s Word in Psalm 37:4,5 played a key role in our coming together: “Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass. ” We put our future in God’s hand.
Our coming together was of the Lord: we had no doubt whatever in this regard. The Lord led us in three clear steps.
Firstly, in 1947 the Lord put us together in our medical studies at the King Edward Seventh College of Medicine, Singapore. Six years at college was a good testing ground of mutual compatibility of temperament and spirituality. Through the gruelling course the Lord was our constant help and strength. We found in Him an unfailing source of comfort and encouragement.
Secondly, the Lord enabled us, together with a few other medical students, to lay the foundation of the Varsity Christian Fellowship (at that time the only evangelical student group). This group functioned from 1948 to 1952 when together with Christian students from the Arts and Science Faculties, official recognition for the VCF was obtained. (Since then, the VCF has fallen away.)
Thirdly, in 1950 when the Bible-Presbyterian Church of Singapore was formed, we became founding members. This mutual love for God and His Kingdom was a crucial factor in sealing our life partnership. Praise be unto God for implanting in us a steadfast delight in the Lord and His Kingdom.
For fifty-one years we have served the Lord with undivided love and devotion, in every area of life where the Lord has been pleased to put us. If He has saved us, and called us into His service, can we do less?
From the very outset, we resolved to serve the Lord as one, come what may.
The Lord Creator joined the two of us as one flesh, and since I had promised the Lord in 1938 to give Him my life-long service, we both happily gave ourselves to serve the Lord all our life.
Unless the mistress of the house agrees, house guests will not be entertained! From our earliest days, my “Minister of Home Affairs” (for that is just what a wife is) readily opened our home to an unending succession of relatives, visiting professors from overseas, and God’s servants from every part of the world — Philippines, Australia, Sri Lanka, America, the United Kingdom, and elsewhere.
We understand that kindness and hospitality to God’s people and distant travellers is to be rendered even as “unto the Lord. ”
In these past fifty years we have sheltered hundreds of house guests until the time when my wife’s knees gave way to the ravages of age (“wear and tear”), and when we moved into our latest dwelling which is without a guestroom.
Throughout the children’s early years (until they left home) we gathered for nightly Family Worship when we would read and recite the Word of God, sing Gospel songs, and pray together. In the morning no child was to leave for school without praying with us.
From the very outset, we played an active role in the church, both Sunday School and Youth Fellowship. The most challenging and memorable was the Life Church Sunday School at Prinsep Street. I was General Superintendent in 1954 while my wife was in charge of the Primary Department. Together we literally “burnt out” for the Lord to build up this important arm of the church. God increased the students from eighty to two hundred in two years. God was great.
In 1973 we left Mother church — Life BPC — to launch a Gospel outreach to the “Far West” of Singapore. Thank God for a blessed partnership. Striving together with a group from Life Church, the Lord has blessed this partnership with increase of “a hundredfold, sxityfold, and thirtyfold. ”
As the Lord opened new doors of Gospel opportunity, the role of my “help meet” correspondingly increased. She gave her whole-hearted unstinting support in finance and missions trips, happily travelling with me to all parts of the world. Her total commitment for the Gospel cause has been my greatest comfort and joy.
I consider this my wife’s greatest sacrificial act when she willingly consented to remain behind in Singapore while I was sent to the United Kingdom for a three-year course of post graduate training. Except she was agreeable to this separation and self-denial, my further studies could not have materialized.
Thank God, she bravely stayed on with our firstborn Christine, and delivered our second child Stephen six months after I left for Belfast. Her courage and fortitude, and faith in God played a major part in my career success.
The first six months after my departure for Belfast were the most difficult and trying months in her entire life. Not only did she have to cope with loneliness and the strain of caring for a year-old daughter, while carrying our unborn son for six months, she was virtually crushed by the sudden death of her Mother from heart attack in December 1956, just a fortnight before Stephen’s arrival.
During this period of extreme emotional and physical stress from multiple causes, Cheng Im weathered the storm in my absence. (The cost of a return airfare in 1956 was a prohibitive $3, 400, the equivalent of four months’ salary. I made only one phone call home; the cost of one pound sterling or $8. 60 per minute was too intimidating).
I thank God, she bore her burdens with complete confidence and faith in God. When she finally joined me in UK twenty-six months had elapsed.
The world generally regards women as the weaker sex. This may be true for most, but I have come to greatly respect my better half for her exceptional courage in bearing up during bereavement, separation, and various bodily afflictions. As I review the past, I am amazed that whereas I have not experienced even one major surgical procedure, she has undergone eighteen surgical procedures, major and minor, of various kinds. In addition she has had two bone fractures and four deliveries. The Lord is good to her.
Conclusion: Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter. Thank God for a wonderful “help meet” the chosen of the Lord. Marriage for the child of God is a partnership of three parties, the couple with God as Counsellor, and Guide: He is an unfailing Comforter and Friend, and He makes no mistakes. Looking back, I say, it was not “for better or worse, ” but for best.
1. “Thou shalt not be unequally yoked together with an unbeliever” ( 2 Cor 6:14 ). Let God guide you in the choice of a life partner.
2. “Wives submit, husbands love” is God’s way to harmony (Eph 5:22 , 25 ).
3. Hide no secrets: husband and wife are one flesh (Gen 2:24 ).
4. “For richer, for poorer” — operate one bank account.
5. Pray, read God’s Word together, morning and evening.
6. In dealing with children — be united and fair.